Confession: This blog (and my professional interest in this topic) was inspired by my own personal experience with emotional eating.
Eating is something I remember vividly using as a kid to comfort myself in difficult situations. When my family was having issues, when I was having friend problems, or when I felt lonely during those long after-school hours, I would eat. Often it was in secret, and often it was foods that were pretty rich. It was something I felt so much shame about—even as a fifth grader.
Fast forward 25 years… and I’m standing in the kitchen in the dark, 6 weeks postpartum with my first baby, finding myself mindlessly and mechanically munching on a bag of Trader Joe’s white cheddar corn puffs after a particularly challenging day learning to be a mom. It felt SO familiar.
But after years of practice and understanding about WHY I was doing this and what to do instead, I was able to find compassion and kindness for myself instead of shame and disgust—as well as get to the bottom of why it was happening!
The Science of Emotional Eating
Emotional eating (or as I often call it, comfort eating) is a topic that is deeply misunderstood and uncomfortable for many of us to talk about.
We joke about “eating our feelings” after a breakup or diving headfirst into a pint of ice cream after a rough work week. We often feel guilt and shame for using food as a tool to comfort ourselves.
But at the same time, most of us ignore the WHY behind our actions and fail to look for the lesson in the behaviors.
Why Do We Eat for Comfort?
When we eat, our brains release dopamine—the neurotransmitter that makes us feel good and encourages repetition. This effect is stronger with high-fat, high-sugar foods. For some, binge eating can trigger a dopamine response similar to that of drugs like cocaine.
From a survival standpoint, this makes sense. Historically, higher-calorie foods increased the chance of surviving periods of food scarcity.
Our “lizard brains” don’t know that today, food is abundant and starvation is rare (at least in many parts of the world). Yet the drive to seek out food—especially hyper-palatable food—remains powerful.
Why Negative Emotions Trigger Eating
When we experience negative emotions, our brain craves a dopamine “hit.” Food is a fast and effective way to get that. But so are:
- Exercise
- Music
- Sunlight
- Accomplishing tasks
- Meditation
- Petting animals (!)
Unfortunately, food is often the most accessible and socially acceptable option.
Some people overeat in response to stress, while others lose their appetite. One study found that 38% overeat and 30% undereat under stress. Why? We still don’t know for sure.
Dealing with Emotional Eating
If you find yourself standing in the dark kitchen reaching for food, know this:
- You are not alone.
- It is physiologically normal.
- You can manage it with kindness and awareness.
Start by Asking: How Do You Handle Stress?
- Do you avoid difficult feelings?
- Do you use food for emotional regulation?
- Can you name what you’re feeling?
This is step where we start. Just noticing and naming the emotion can shift the power dynamic. Next, we'll talk about shame and willpower..
How to Deal Without Shame or Willpower
Step 1: Put Your Scientist Goggles On
Pause. Get curious. Stay neutral. Say “hmmm?” instead of “ugh.”
Shame and guilt activate the fight-or-flight response—exactly what we want to avoid when trying to make rational, calm choices.
Step 2: Feel the Feels & Find the Need
What are you feeling? Name it.
Then ask: What do I actually need?
- Bored? Need stimulation?
- Angry? Need to express it?
- Lonely? Need connection?
Example: After a breakup and move abroad, I found myself snacking when lonely. A surprise FaceTime with my Dad filled the need for connection. I didn’t want to eat anymore.
Food was never the real need—connection was.
Step 3: Make It a Moment – Engage All Your Senses
Food is more than fuel. It’s tradition, comfort, culture, and connection.
So if food is going to comfort you, let it do its job by enjoying it fully:
- Put it on a plate
- Sit down
- Eliminate distractions
- Chew slowly
- Engage all your senses
- Set the mood (music, candlelight, good company)
Comfort food eaten mindfully is not the same as numbing out in the dark kitchen at 11 PM.
Step 4: Create a “Dopamine Menu”
Not all dopamine sources are created equal. Write down things that make you feel good and are aligned with your values. For example:
- Call a friend
- Go for a walk
- Play with a pet
- Take a warm shower
- Journal
- Meditate
- Blast your favorite music
- Tidy a space
- Try a new recipe
Have your list ready so when emotions spike, you have tools beyond food.
Step 5: Move On
If emotional eating happens:
- Don’t punish yourself.
- Don’t restrict or over-exercise.
- Eat normally at your next meal.
- Give yourself grace.
If emotional eating feels compulsive or out of control, reach out to a disordered eating specialist. It’s hard, but worth it.
Final Thoughts
Emotional eating is normal. It can be addressed with:
- Curiosity over criticism
- Compassion over control
- Awareness over willpower
By understanding the biology, psychology, and emotions involved, we can build a peaceful relationship with food and ourselves.
Thanks for reading—and be kind to yourself.
Ready to start thriving again? Let us help by putting an expert in your corner to get you there faster and maintain that progress for life! Learn more about our online health coaching by clicking here!
References:
- Emotional Eating and Weight in Adults
- The Association of Emotional Eating with Overweight/Obesity, Depression, Anxiety/Stress, and Dietary Patterns
- Dopamine in Binge Eating
- APA: Stress and Eating
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