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We have hundreds of thousands of thoughts a day, most of those being unconscious. Unchecked. And our brain’s job is to protect us from threat or danger, regardless of whether it's real or perceived. What used to be fighting off predators is now ruminating about the meaning of being “left on read” or worrying about if we’ll fail to make progress.
When our brain perceives these sorts of threats, you may find yourself engaging in self-defeating behaviors, having difficulty focusing, or noticing yourself shutting down and getting pulled into the thoughts and feelings.
The ACT Framework: A Tool for Mindset Shifts
Many of us LVLTN coaches have gone through a course called the Health Mindset Coaching Certification, where we were taught evidence-based mindset and behavior change tools. One framework I lean on with my clients often is called ACT — Acceptance Commitment Therapy.
(And no, we’re not doing therapy with you, but our questions and coaching methods are informed by these frameworks.)
Essentially, this framework aims to help you live a full, meaningful life while accepting that pain comes with it. As humans, we are always choosing to do, act, or be in ways that move us either TOWARD or AWAY from the person we want to be or life we want to live — what ACT calls the choice point. When difficult thoughts, feelings, or urges arise, we are more likely to move AWAY.
ACT gives us tools to move TOWARD the person we want to be and the life we want to live and helps stop us from giving in to — or struggling with — our thoughts. Like quicksand, the more you struggle and squirm, the faster you sink. The more these thoughts “hook” you, the harder it is to create and live out a better, more full life.
The Power of Cognitive Defusion (“Unhooking”)
The tool I want to focus on today is cognitive defusion — or unhooking.
The goal isn’t to improve how you feel or to stop having these thoughts or urges. The goal is to not let the thoughts or urges control you; to move toward your goals and values.
Here’s how to start:
Step 1: Identify the “Away” Triggers
Recognize the thoughts, feelings, and/or urges that lead to the “away” moves.
Examples:
- Urge to grab the bag of chips in the pantry
- The thought “I’m fat”
- The feeling of anxiousness
Step 2: Identify the “Away” Moves
These are the actions that make life (or goal pursuit) worse, less effective, or unlike the person you want to be.
Examples:
- Mindlessly eating chips on the couch
- Raising your voice
- Isolating yourself
Step 3: Identify the “Toward” Moves
These are the actions you’d like to start making, have made in the past, or are currently doing.
Examples:
- Pouring a serving of chips into a bowl
- Going for a walk
- Texting a close friend
Pro Tip:
I personally like to acknowledge the thought, feeling, or urge by saying to myself:
- “I’m having the thought that ‘I’m lazy.’”
- “I am having an urge to go grab something from the pantry.”
- “I notice that I’m feeling anxious.”
Remember: What You Resist, Persists
You don’t have to fully “unhook” from a thought, urge, or feeling in order to make TOWARD moves. Your acknowledgment and acceptance of them is enough to choose differently.
By practicing this, you stop letting your thoughts run the show — and start steering your life in the direction you actually want to go.
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